The Beauty of a Woman II: Along side The Essence of a Man

Tree of Life images: none my own

We are all  trees…at different stages of life

Man has been cursed with futility and failure. Failure is a man’s ultimate worst fear.

Woman is cursed with loneliness and the urge to control. There is an emptiness we are always trying to feed, yet we are guarded.

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      A lot of energy is spent trying to hide our true selves and control our world, to have some sense of security. Every woman thinks that she is not what she was meant to be. We fear this, and we fear that we are not good enough. That we will be abandoned or not truly ever loved. We know that this world is dangerous and unpredictable. We know that we, at any time, could be thrown away or torn apart.

      

      Before I realized what beauty I had at my core, I set myself up to be continually wounded. I set myself up for failure. I believed horrid things of myself. I came into this world set up for heartache, but I will not accept it!   All of the wounds that we have received over our lifetimes have a theme. Yes, a pattern. Yet, the wounds and fears I have received have all come to me for a purpose.

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     They come from a place that knows all I am meant to be as a woman, and it fears me. The darkness knows our weaknesses. The darkness wants to keep us bound and tied down in negativity, suffering, and pain. It took me a lifetime to recognize this presence, the devil and his evil plots to destroy us, to keep us bound up, starved, and dying. 

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     He used my father and mother. He used drugs, alcohol, and even men to distract me. He did this because I am glorious. I am a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. He knows what beautiful luminous light I could shine forth on the world. I am hated because of my truth, strength, beauty and power.     

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      As women, we tend to feel, “it must be me” or “something must be fundamentally wrong with me”. We feel essentially alone. We feel we are alone because we are not the women we should be, and we fear. This is one of the biggest lies.

    

      I realize now that men are afraid too. They fear that if they are a part of or know their woman’s world, they will not have what it takes to help her there. That is his sin, his cowardice…and because of our shame, a man will usually get away with it.

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     Not all men are selfish, self-centered, violent, or passive. Some are a combination, some hold none of those traits. Most men just back off, back away, or they won’t talk about or pursue issues that they feel go too deep.

    

     I, as a woman, have quite a few deep or meaningful relationships with both sexes, yet I sometimes still feel alone.  Men have deep relationships too, but with a partner they sometimes do not connect or express in ways which we understand. I think that this goes for both men and women!

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     Most men get a subconscious or automatic feeling or urge to not get too involved and just leave things be.     

     Some men may have never thought of this, put words to it, or come close to identifying it, but they have most likely felt it. They probably thought it was what they or their partner or both of them, really wanted. These are some of the things that darkness speaks to a man to put barriers and a wedge in their relationships:

“It’s really none of my business.”

“That’s her own problem, not mine to figure out.”

“Back off.”

“Leave her alone.”

“Leave it be.”

“You don’t want or need to go there.”

“That is too much for me to handle”

“She is too much/not enough for me.”   

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     All of these things, these thoughts…are most likely from the very core of darkness. I will prove my point! They are all things that Satan has set against every man and woman from the day of her birth. It’s the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a child out on a deserted highway to fend for itself, essentially to die.     

     To every woman the prince of darkness himself has whispered:

“You are not worthy of love.”

“You do not deserve him/you deserve this.”

“You are alone.”

“When they see who you really are, you will be abandoned.”

“No one will ever truly come for you or stay by your side.”

    

    

These messages and a thousand more, I have believed, feared, and lived with all the days of my life. I fear that I will ultimately be abandoned by my man…if and when I have one.

    

    

      I am here to tell you that these thoughts are assaults on me and all men and women….and they are a LIE. All the shame, self-doubt, and accusation is from an evil place. The devil even sends false comforters to us…in order to deepen our bondage. We will see them for all they are, but only after they have taken, abused, or ruined us once again. We deserve the best. We should never settle for less than we deserve or ever have to feel alone or not good enough.

    

     I think that evil tries to prevent our restoration because darkness really fears who we are, what we are, and what/who we will become. I think that the devil fears our beauty/strength and our life-giving heart. He fears our love and even our faith and hope. He fears our will and our light.

 

    

     You may not believe in God, and I respect that, but you must see the good and evil weaving in and out of your everyday lives. I feel that I am on a mission, to deliver a message to all who read this.

    

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     Good can restore and release you. You can get your true heart back and you can be set free. I am furious at the enemy who has done horrid things to you and I will fight against him even if you cannot. Let me comfort you. I know that beauty will be bestowed where you have known only devastation. Joy will replace your deepest dark sorrow. Your resignation and despair will be exchanged for thankfulness and robe your heart and mind in love.     

     Your own ideas and resources have failed. You have tried everything in your power to change your circumstances, but you can and will heal. As not to offend, I would like to say I have the utmost respect for every individual and their beliefs. I can and will not judge you, and love you all the same…unconditionally and with my whole heart. In this piece, when I speak of God, I am speaking of a God of love, hope, light, forgiveness and truth…GOODNESS, the opposite of darkness/EVIL.

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     I know now, that everyone who has hurt me in this life, intentionally or unintentionally, were also already deeply wounded or broken themselves. They are or were broken hearted, broken when they were young, and they fell captive to the enemy.

 

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     They were pawns in his hands to do his dark damage and deeds. This doesn’t absolve them of the choices they made, the things they did. It just helps us to see they were shattered souls themselves, broken spirits, used by our true enemy in his war against us and against the light.

   

     I think that it is true that a woman becomes more beautiful when she knows that she is loved. But when she feels alone, cut off from real or true love, rejected, lied to, no one loving or pursuing her….something in a woman wilts like a flower that no one notices or waters anymore. She withers into hiding, resignation, duty, despair, and shame. The radiance of her countenance goes out as if a light were turned off. But this same woman can become lovely and inviting once again when she is pursued. Her heart begins to come alive, she becomes radiant and becomes salt and light.

    

     I long to be loved in a certain way. I long to be romanced. Our hearts are desperate for a real love, understanding and unconditional friendship. As a woman, I need a deep, passionate love…with a fire and depth we cannot imagine. We all do. Nine times out of ten, we are stuck in a stale or unproductive place. A place we have settled into, that is not of love.

    

     I want to love and be loved by a good man. I want to be more obedient, steadfast, single-minded, unwavering. I want to love a man unconditionally…heart a fire, eyes ablaze. In the past I had been through so much, I shut my heart down in order to endure the pain of life. I did not love myself and I did not know how to let anyone in…and when I did, I let the wrong ones in! 

 

 

     We must open our heart and keep it open. Not just to anyone and not just to anything, but to something good….something real and true. I want to handle my love and my heart differently from now on. I chose not to hide or shut down. I will allow the tears to come if they must. I will bleed and let it flow into the Crimson River.

 

It is in the bleeding…I find peace.

 

 

     The essence of a man is strength. As a woman, I long to experience from my man his strength, his honesty, respect, protection…his capability to always come through for me.

Ask yourself, “What makes my knees weak?” “What makes my heart beat quicker?” A real man.

    

     To have him express himself to me and explore every avenue of this life. To speak on my behalf. When a man abuses us with words, we are pierced. It is so easy for a man to use their strength to hurt, to wound. When they are silent, we are starved. They have offered no strength, they have abandoned us.

    

     But when they speak with us, hear us, offer their words to us and on our behalf, something in our hearts is able to rest.

      A simple “How are you?” “Are you alright?” “How are you feeling?” “Have you enjoyed your day?” are some of the most loving questions a man could ask of me. It shows that he cares.

     We all, as women, long for the protection masculine strength offers. To have them shield us from physical harm, but also to have them shield us from emotional harm and even spiritual attack.

 

     He has that ability, that power. He is a good man if he speaks his mind when he sees harm, to intercede for us in any relationship which has become hurtful. When he is looking out for our general well being. Women do not want to be or deserve to be verbally or physically abused or manipulated and put into fear.

     We as women, want to be protected. Men can sometimes do and say what we are unable to at certain vulnerable times. As women, we long for someone strong to stand between us and the darkness, not allow us to be devoured and taken into clutches of evil or lost in the pitch black, alone.   

  

     When I am overwhelmed, overcome with a sense of despair and hopelessness, when I feel pounded down beyond saving and worthy of condemnation…if I am engulfed in grief and loss, I want my man to come to my bedside.

     He should come to my side and recognize it is not me, it is an attack from the hand of the enemy. I want my man to take authority, talk to me and with me.  Love me and rebuke the darkness. That is part of a man’s strength, to reassure and take control in some rough areas of life. He helps us to cope and to keep hope alive and well.

    

     When I say strength, I do not mean big muscles. If he is only physically strong, he is hollow. The strength of a man is first and foremost a spiritual or soulish strength…it is more of the heart. As a real man lives it out, owns it, and inhabits his strength, he become more handsome. More alive. Even more physically attractive, because as women we can see the fruit of his inner reality…

    

     Just like the essence of a woman, our beauty is not our body or our “perfect figure”. It is more like something from within us all. A spiritual/soulful  beauty can make us more lovely and more alluring as we live it out and learn how to inhabit it. Our true-self becomes reflected in our appearance. It flows from the inside out!

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     Beauty is what the world longs to experience from a woman. Most of our shame comes from this,  knowing and feeling that we have failed miserably in this department. That is a lie, we have not failed. Beauty is the essence that dwells in every woman. It dwells in you. It dwells in me.

    

     There are so many lovely things on this earth. Things we have not seen, that we can not imagine. If we will have but the eyes to see, beauty is lavished all around us in this world. We cannot let the darkness black it all out.  

 

   

      I think that love and beauty are the most powerful things on earth. Beauty speaks. Beauty invites. Beauty nourishes, comforts, inspires, encourages, heals and creates. Beauty is transcendent and draws us away from the darkness, to the good and to the light.

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     Beauty is at woman’s core. Who we are, what we long to be… and we bear it gloriously, in an often ugly world. It’s messy to talk about, even mysterious. That should not surprise any of us, because women are creatures of great mystery.

      We are not problems to be solved, but mysteries to be enjoyed. Women want to impact this world for good, it is instilled in us.      Beauty is the most essential and yes, the most misunderstood of all the feminine qualities. It is an essence that every woman carries from the moment of her creation. The ONLY things that are standing in the way of our beauty, are fears and doubts…and then the hiding and striving we fall to as a result.     

     

Beauty flows best, from a heart at rest.

I want to be gloriously alive and in love, both with my man and with the Creator of this universe. To me, man is a reflection of all creation. He is the epitome of life when joined with a woman he loves….they become complete.

    

     Beauty is sometimes like a shy doe, it reveals itself for a moment, then fades back into cover…It usually comes when we don’t realize it, as opposed to trying to make it come out.

     Rather, something happens that allows a woman’s defenses to come down for a moment. Like when someone is listening. Like, when I know that I matter. When I know someone truly cares about my heart and wants to know me for who I really am inside. My beauty emerges as if from behind a veil.     

    

     So the choice a woman makes is not to conjure beauty, but to let her defenses down. To choose to set aside her normal means of survival and just let her heart show up, beauty just automatically comes with it.

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     True beauty comes from within, from a gentle and quiet spirit. To have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts, a spirit that has been quieted by love and filled with peace….not a heart that is continually striving and restless.

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     A woman in her true and natural glory, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy enough. She knows she is worthy. She knows she is special and unique.

     She knows already in her quiet center where goodness dwells that she is deemed worthy, and yes…she is enough. The only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed, is our desperation and striving….to fit in, to be loved, to be cherished and needed.

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     A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul, is at rest. She exudes a sense of calm, a sense of rest, and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort. She knows that we live in a world at war, a mind of doubt and chaos, that we have a vicious enemy and our journey is through a broken world. But she knows through all of this…all shall be well.     

      A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be…and the room to become.     

      In her presence, we can release the tension and pressure that so often grips our hearts. We can also breathe in the truth that we are loved and understood.

    

     As women, we love to do things and have them be enjoyed by others. We want people to enjoy the creative work of our hands and minds. We want others to enjoy the fruits of our labor, whether it is through art, song, cooking, sewing, building…     

     Beauty beckons us. It invites us. Come…explore…immerse yourself. A woman delights in revealing herself to those who wholeheartedly seek her. We fear it, but below the fear is a deep longing to be known and seen as beautiful, worthy, enjoyed, and needed. The unveiled beauty of a woman, entices and invites.

 

    

     The heart of the woman, determines what it is she is inviting others to, be it to life….

or to death….

  

     As a woman, I want to be wise. I want a home that is the passageway to discernment and all that is good. I want to radiate that all is well, all shall be well, always. I do not want to fear or strive or withhold the very things that my world needs.

     When others are comfortable around me, they come to a beautiful place. They find room for their own soul and it expands. They can breathe again, rest…and that is good. That is what it is like to be with a beautiful woman. They are free to be themselves and it is one of life’s greatest gifts.

     A woman who is hiding, invites others to do the same. A woman who makes herself vulnerable and available for intimacy invites others to do the same.     

      A woman can let others know, “You are wanted here. I want to know you. Come in and share yourself with me. Be enjoyed and enjoy me as I share myself with you.”     

     A woman who is controlling, can not invite others to rest, to be known. They will feel overpowered and controlled in her presence. It will not feel safe there.

    

     A woman who is unveiling her beauty is actually inviting others to life. She is breaking boundaries and tearing down walls. She risks being vulnerable by exposing her true heart and inviting others to share theirs. She is not demanding. She is hopeful. I want to offer only kindness, hope, sincere interest in who and how someone really is.     

     Ultimately a woman invites others to know goodness, and light. To experience through her that there is tender mercy and kindness. She invites us to experience a way out of the darkness and to know that there are good, deep, lovely, alluring and captivating things awaited them when they step outside of themselves. 

 

    

     We are women who are inviting, and we are healing ourselves and others along the way…

Let him be, let him become  

     For a woman to unveil her beauty, it means she is offering her heart, her presence, not just her good works, words, actions, or usefulness…but her presence.  The gift of a woman’s presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come unguarded, undistracted and be fully present, fully engaged with whomever she is with at that moment…

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      When we offer our unguarded presence, we live a fuller life and we invite others to do the same….beauty offers mercy and grace. A woman full of tender mercy and soft vulnerability is a beautiful, powerful, and lovely woman indeed. Beauty is not demanding, but it does speak from desire.     

    

     A real woman should be able to ask for help, no matter what it is. She doesn’t have to demand, she will be able to express a need and invite her man’s strength and presence to take over.     

      Rather than become angry or demanding, hard or cynical…I will remain soft, feminine, and vulnerable. I will not give up in bad situations. I will hold on to my desire for something more.

     If you are in a relationship and things are not working out….ask this of your partner:

“Don’t you want more for us love?”

     You may be disappointed with his answer, but if something is not working…DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

    

     The scariest thing for a man to do is offer his strength in situations where he does not know if it will even make a difference, or thinks that he will fail.

A man’s deepest darkest fear: “Do I really have what it takes?” Failure says no, and men fear failure deep down inside. They fear being embarrassed and left exposed, to be seen as weak or not a good man.     

      For a man, the best thing to do is to enter head on into the very situations that he fears, by offering his strength not matter what, not JUST in situations he knows to be safe.

    

     For a woman, we also must not give into fear. When we do, we do anything but offer up our beauty, because we are afraid…we have given the devil a foothold and given way to fear.

 

     For a long time, I did not believe I was beautiful…so I hid. I used writing as a crutch and did not have to interact with the world anymore. I was striving and hiding because I believe a simple lie: I believed I was ugly and not worthy.

    

     Now, as I become a woman of substance, a woman who offers her beauty… I am finding that my heart is growing in my capacity to love and be loved….to desire…to live. My heart is being enlarged and bursting at the seams.

 

    

     I know that I must continue to be willing and honest. I must continue to grow and learn about the true nature of my soul, my sorrows, desires, hopes, dreams, and fears. I must hit them head on, and not bury my head.

     I must remove from my heart the things that have and are getting in my way of loving…whether it is an unhealthy lifestyle or habits, an abusive relationship with family or partner…whatever is holding me back or not working, I will make a change and take a different path.

    

     Sometimes there are changes that need to be made in life to promote growth and healthy living, that we do not want to do. We know that in order to grow beyond who we are at that moment, we must give up things that do not benefit us or drag us down.

     To posses true beauty and healing, we must be willing to give up things….and must be willing to suffer. This is a good suffering…not like the pain or suffering of abuse. It is the suffering of healing, for the better.

    

     Women who are stunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarged by suffering. We know exactly what we have seen and gone through in this life, how far we have come…what we have had to endure.

    

     Living in true beauty can require much healing and much time, it does not happen overnight. It takes patience and tenacity of the spirit. It takes courage and I will not say that it is easy.

It can be ugly…

And it can be scary…

     For me, bleeding and writing has been a major source of therapy/release and coming to terms with my existence…some people don’t have that but there are other ways….you have to figure out what is right for you. It may be to confide in someone, or start a new hobby…

    

     In my healing process to beauty, I have had much heartache, longing and sorrow. I am not a patient person by virtue, though I have learned it well, while waiting for things to fall in place.

     When a heart is slowly awakened to it’s sorrow, it is more awake, more present, and more alive to all the facets of life. It is the waiting and the process of growing that enlarges our hearts. We start to forgive and be grateful for the smallest of blessings.   

  

      I know that I possess a captivating beauty. It is hidden inside of me. It has been long-buried, wounded, and held captive….and I allowed it because I just didn’t know anything else, but I now know better! 

    

     I know it will take time for it to emerge into wholeness. It needs time to be cultivated, restored, and set free once again…as it should be. I must tend to my heart with great care.

     Watch over it and protect it, while knowing when to share it. As women we don’t like to wait, we must learn to be patient creatures. To become established, our roots must go deep. It may take years to be all we can become, but that is okay with me…as long as I stay on that journey.     

      It is rare for a woman to choose to keep her heart alive in this dangerous world without striving, but I want to be radiant. I want to be alive, present, open, and alluring….and I want to be in love.

    

     A woman is the most beautiful when she is in love. When she knows she is loved and loved deeply, she glows from the inside out. She has a restful, quiet spirit because she is complete.

     As a woman, when we choose not to hide and to offer our hearts, we are choosing to love from the heart. Our every focus shifts from self-protection to the hearts and well-being of others. We offer beauty so that their hearts may come alive, be healed, know good and kindness…that is love.

TRUE FEMININITY AROUSES TRUE MASCULINITY

    

     Even as a woman asks the question, “Am I lovely or worth fighting for,” etc.…

     A man asks, “Do I have what it takes? Am I the real deal? Am I man enough….?” It all depends on the question and answers he got as a child.     

     As a woman, I wont be able to understand his question (his question is essentially his wound from childhood) but I can love him no matter what.   

  

    

     A man’s search for validation is the driving force of his life. A man’s greatest mistake and obstacle in loving a woman is that they take their wound and/or question to us. They look to us (women) to validate their souls.

     When a boy starts to notice girls, and he is aware…women can look like life itself to him. She looks like the answer to every question he has ever had!

   

     Sometimes, this leads to unhealthy sexual additions, such as pornography and affairs. This comes from the fatal shift, it’s not about sex really, it’s about validation. “Beauty” is offered in some form, and it somehow makes him feel strong, wanted, or powerful beyond measure. It can be a strong addiction and a deadly temptation for his soul.     

     But absolutely no woman can tell a man who he is as a man…not in fantasy or real life. He has his own journey and his own questions to answer.

 

      I can be his “ezer”…his companion, his inspiration, but I cannot be the ultimate validation of his soul. Men must take their question to God. Only he knows who we truly are and what we truly need.     

     A man comes to a woman to offer his strength he does not go to her to get it, and the same goes for a woman. If her father has not been there for her for example, and she is starving for love…she’ll give herself to boys in the hope of finding it. If we take our question to our man, instead of God…it is unhealthy and can be fatal.

     We have to find ourselves, know ourselves, heal our hearts and minds before we can share them fully with our partner. A lot of the time that is a major problem, a man and woman don’t truly know each other, or know how to communicate or share themselves with each other…they have a soul sickness.

    

     Woman was made for man. It is not good for a man to be alone all the days of his life. There is an incompleteness that haunts us, makes us ACHE and yearn for one another, but do not lose yourself in this search.

     The ache is real. I have felt it, and I am sure you have too. I have also felt before, that I had failed in truly captivating a man. While this may be true, it most likely was that I was trying to captivate the wrong ones!     

      Now….in a LONG TERM relationship, I believe that we are meant to speak to one another’s wounds, even the ones from childhood. In love, we can bring such deep joy and healing as we offer to one another our strengths and beauty.     

     When a man tells me I am beautiful or if I tell my mate he is a good strong man…we can and we should offer things like this to one another. This is one way our love helps to heal our mate’s wounds.  It doesn’t answer or validate the childhood question he or she has, but it helps in the healing process… from abuse, abandonment, torment, feeling neglected or unloved….and any number of things that may be our core question from the beginning.

     We can love, listen, not judge, have compassion, empathy, kindness and try to understand where he/she is coming from.      Some things from the past are so deep…and remember that men are sensitive creatures too and can be hurt just as bad or as easily as women. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.     

     Just as a woman cannot completely validate a man, a man cannot completely fill a woman. Yes, your man cannot fill the empty hollow ache you feel from childhood. In order to learn how to love him, you must first stop insisting that he fill you….at least emotionally!     

     How does a woman best love a man? It is to seduce him…but in a good way, not just with sex. EX: on their wedding night…she hopes to arouse him, invite him to come to her and enter her in all her stunning vulnerability. She takes life’s greatest risk, offering her naked unveiled beauty to him….opening herself up to him in every single way.

    

     A man must be able to offer his strength to a woman. That is how we make love.

     Femininity is what arouses his masculinity. His strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful. The beauty of a woman is what arouses the strength of a man. He wants so badly to play that part, to play the man, to overcome her and invade her depths…especially when a woman is alluring and seducing him…whether it is with her mind or her body.

     You can’t hold him back, his instincts will take over. He wants to come through for her, that desire is crucial. I as a woman, want him to come through, not because he has to or ought to, but because he wants to. A woman must arouse his desire in any or all facets of life!

     It is really up to me, what messages I send to my man. I want him to know he is important, irreplaceable, loved, needed, wanted and desired. 

    

     The strength of a good man makes a woman feel beautiful. The beauty of a good woman makes him feel strong. Not just in sex and marriage but in everything. A woman is at her best when she is herself. She must use all she is as a woman to get him to use all he’s got as a man. She can turn him on, encourage, inspire, energize, seduce and love. It is a risk to be vulnerable to allure and arouse him to play the man…awaken his desire to be the hero…but I would rather risk everything, than nothing at all…for the right man.     

     Women, do not confuse being alluring and seductive and beautiful with being emasculating, dominating, desolate, passive/aggressive, groveling, manipulative, or begging for attention. These petty and immature things simply do not work in the long run.     

     Softness is the key to a woman, not weakness but tenderness, mercy, understanding, and forgiveness. Give your man this message:

“You are an amazing man. I need you. I believe in you. You have what it takes. I love who you are completely and fully…regardless of your past and regardless of the demons that still haunt you.” That is some real shit.

You must love each other through the struggles with darkness and inner demons

    

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT:     

Not every man is on the up and up. Not every man is good or on the road to redemption. There are men out here that are not safe and are not capable of ever being good because of an innate deviance or defect from birth. The same goes for some women!

      

     Look… to all my women, I say be careful. Try to be discerning, cautious, and aware. Be mindful that you do not give something precious to someone who at best cannot recognize your beauty, or at worst will trash, trample, take or kill it. You must consider your feminine heart and beauty as your treasure…so do not spread it too thin.     

      A woman may test a man by offering him a taste of what is available… to see if he is good and willing to move in a healthy direction. She does not have to give her all or everything in those moments. She allures and waits to see what he will do and say…how he reacts. He may not be in any condition to love or grow.   

     Women, YOU CAN NOT SAVE EVERYONE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO OR HOW HARD YOU TRY.     

     I am not saying that any man is not worth saving, they all are…WE ARE ALL worth saving. But, sometimes he needs to work on himself before a woman can offer herself to him…and vice versa.

     There is a right time and place for everything….and that just cannot be forced. You will know when it is right, it will feel natural and powerful beyond words.

    

      If you see by a man’s actions that he does not have yours or his best interests at heart, if he is severe, abusive, mean, cruel, deceitful, unreceptive, unrepentant, unforgiving etc.…just walk away. It may pain you, but it will be better for your health and sanity in the long run. He may even be THE ONE, but it may not be the right time if he is not ready …and neither are you to have to put up with punishment that is sure to come.

    

     A good way for a woman to live: by not dominating or being defiant. By not hiding or simply abiding by her man’s strict rules or codes of conduct, don’t be what you think he wants you to be…. just be yourself and watch to see if he wants to come closer. Men are essentially telling creatures, if they want you…you will be sure to know!

    

     BE AWARE OF ISSUES     

Be a wise and discerning woman. Don’t hold back, but don’t give away too much in the beginning. Be aware of the issues that he has that could cause him to look to you for his validation or may cause him to become paralyzed. Invite, arouse, and share….but maintain your personal integrity. Do not do anything that you do not feel comfortable with.     

     Also, do not fail to see passivity. Some men will not commit or do not want to commit NO MATTER WHAT. They may offer assurances (lies) that they will commit, to get what they want, but beware…they will trick you and take everything that they can get from you and leave you without a second thought.  Therefore, in the beginning, guard your heart and be careful that you do not offer too much of yourself to a man who cannot offer anything at all in return. Wait until you have good solid evidence that he is worth your love and pursuit. Men, the same applies to the women you are pursuing.

     Pay attention but do not use against him or her:

their past

track record in other relationships

all other serious issues they may have

close friends and what they are like

can he or she hold down a job

is he or she walking with faith or a higher power than themselves

is he/she facing the wounds of their own life

do they demonstrate a desire to change if in a bad place (abusive, drinking/drug/violence problems)

is he or she too passive or too aggressive

is he or she headed somewhere in life…have hopes, dreams, aspirations and goals

Are they worthy and what you need

Are they ready to handle your love    

     Is it okay for our partner to have friends of the same-sex? I think yes. We must both have friends of both sexes, it is healthy and okay as long as intimate lines are not crossed. It is good to have platonic friendships. There must be a total trust involved, yet we both can still have friends outside of our intimate relationship.

     It is not our intimacy we are reenacting of course, but it is purely a friendship and a way of escaping in a healthy way….communicating, activities, words of inspiration and encouragement, kindness, compassion, understanding….all of these things can help and impact someone else’s life, as well as enrich our own.

     It is okay to touch someone’s heart, offer strength, listen or help them to find their way. Doing this and then sharing with your partner (never in secret) can be affirming and help our love for our partners grow even stronger.     

     I am a mother, even though I do not have any children as of yet. To mother, is to nurture, train, listen, educate….to rear. As a woman I am uniquely gifted to help others in their lives become more of who they are. To encourage, nurture and mother them towards their true selves. Woman and Men can bring forth life through the simplest, gentlest acts of kindness.     

     The gift of friendship among women is something special. The capacity of a woman’s heart for meaningful relationships is vast. There is no way that your husband or your children can ever provide the intimacy and relational satisfaction that you (I) need.     

     A woman must have women friends to share the most joy, profound sorrows, testing, trials…through this, they deepen and last. Men in our lives may leave, but usually our close girl friends will not. Vice versa for the men…their close buddies will be there for them no matter what…through the thick and thin of this crazy life.

    

      Grown women long for best friends. To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you are not. Friendship between women provides a safe place to share in the experiences of life as a woman. You can be entertained, understood, let your guard down and relax and enjoy.

     When you have true friends, that is a blessing….a gift. We are entrusted with the care of another’s heart and it is a chance to mother and sister.   We are natural-born life givers. We have the ability to empathize and help someone else to become the woman she was created to be. We can walk along side her and call her darling heart forth.    

     It is a risk, having friends, for they can hurt and disappoint…but you must continue to love and be a warrior.     

     Women have a mighty fierceness within us and we have authority over the darkness. No demon power can hurt us, unless we allow it.     

     The enemy knows our weaknesses and preys upon them. Demons smell human brokenness, like sharks smell blood in the water. And they will move in quick to take advantage of a weakened soul.

     Do not give the devil or evil a foothold through your unhealed or mishandled emotions.     

     Stand against it, stand for good and light and always resist the enemy. Do not give in, give up, isolate yourself, or withdraw into shame or anger. Do not blame. A spirit of accusation can effectively work between a man and woman, operating to isolate from one another and it can ultimately destroy a relationship.     

     I feel we are at war with the darkness and I know that I am needed, even if there is a man there to fight for me and protect me…my input is valuable.

     We are not abandoned. We are not alone. We are not forsaken, we are important and worthy. We are warrior princesses….wise, cunning, strong, beautiful, courageous, victorious and always present…but we must heal our wounds and forgive our mistakes and transgressions to move forward.     

     We must realize and reveal the lies that darkness has whispered to us since childhood. We must realize the vows we made as a result. We must renounce the vicious lies and heal our wounded hearts…reveal, bleed and heal.

     “Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world.” John 4:4

     I know this is long, but I bleed the way I bleed. I have been sent on behalf of love and of relationships with ourselves and with others. I must and I WILL fight for all that is good and true. I will offer my beauty to others in love.

       The secret of femininity unleashed is:

“DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR.” 1 Peter 3:6

     I wish for all things to be revealed and healed before they can become hidden and before they become a seed of hate or wickedness.

     I want everyone to learn, grow, and bloom through love, truth, and what is right….     

     I must share with you my lies that I must continue to reveal as untrue. Here is a tiny example of what I face….your own lies may differ.

My LIES

I am not good enough

I will never be good enough no matter what I do or what I try

I am not important

I will be lied to, deceived and tricked

I am not beautiful

I will be abused, neglected, cheated on or abandoned

I am incapable

I am ugly

I will never find true love or a partner to share my life with

I am not feminine enough

I will always be alone

I am unworthy and unlovable and undeserving of happiness

Everyone I meet will laugh at me or hurt me

I am used up and emotionally drained

I am a failure

    

    

     These are my demons, and some of their roots go deep…but I know now that I am good enough and I am so very beautiful.   

  

     No matter how I feel or what anyone says or tries to make me believe, I know that I am important. I play a unique role in this world. I am lovely and charming and capable of every possibility and opportunity.   

     I am a woman with all of her flaws, yes… but beautiful and worthy inside and out. I am alive, fresh and new…a new creature predestined for greatness…..

          

To all my Grue Brothers and Sisters…I love you, keep your head up.

The Beauty of a Woman

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My exquisite beauty shines on the borderline of tranquility…

I am a woman who deserves everything that her heart could possibly desire, and I will not settle for less.

     Every woman has an essence. We share something deep and true, in our spirits and in our hearts. We are all precious and priceless. We are made with a splendid femininity that is powerful, tender, fierce, and alluring. No doubt, at times we are all misunderstood and misinterpreted. Some days we are abused, disrespected, neglected and even assaulted. But our true heart is still there, still captivating and always worth recovering. At some points in life, most all women feel that they do not measure up. We feel unseen, unsought, and uncertain. We are always trying harder. Shame is our universal companion.

     There is so much that I wish I could tell you, but I am not ready to discuss my personal pain. Sometimes things in this life just happen to fast. It seems like we are barely able to solve one problem or situation, before the next three rise up to the surface. There are so many distractions, temptations, interruptions, delays, changes, phases, cycles, challenges, conflicts, disappointments, losses…and they seem overwhelming at times. I see them all now as experience, knowledge, and gained wisdom, but often we don’t see the lessons in life’s rough experience. These things teach us to be accountable and to learn control, maturity, responsibility and even gratitude.

     I want to unlock the fullness and richness of my heart and my spirit. I am a beacon of light surrounded by the darkness and it tends to overshadow my true self most times. I am abundant in freedom, creativity, imagination, and love. There are truly no boundaries in what I can do, except the ones I make for myself. I deserve the very best that this crazy life has to offer. I am special and a unique creation. I have learned through my years that it is actually okay to be who I am. I am good enough. I am so much better than good enough. I am exquisitely beautiful.

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      I am an artist, a true artist at heart, for I see things in a different way than most. I have a different way of seeing through my mind’s critical eye. I am a teacher. I want  to help others achieve and accomplish. I have a need to show them that it is okay to take risks and opportunity and turn it into hope and prosperity. A simple word or encouraging smile can renew someone’s hope or faith in themselves or humanity.

     I am blessed with the ability to get along with and love others. I am full to the brim with compassion, empathy and most important, the capacity to understand most any feeling or situation. I did not ask for this, I was born this way and at some times it can feel more like a curse. I see with both my physical and spiritual eyes. I am blessed with a kind & receptive heart. Blessed with the power of the spoken & written word. Blessed with poetry, artistry, and song. I am to be a healer, an encourager, a believer, a friend, a person that carries their heart on their sleeve. I must always protect and keep my heart golden, for it is the core of myself and is to be shared with everyone I meet.

     I am a woman who lives, learns, loves, appreciates and is continuously planting seeds of faith, hope, and love in other’s hearts and lives. It is not always an easy task, for I am also a woman that has been misjudged, underestimated, used, abused, knocked down and left for dead. It is only that I have kept the notion in my heart; that I am a new creature predestined for greatness. Everything bad that has ever happened will not define me. I choose life. I am a woman after God’s own heart.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

     I have had to guard my heart all of my life. It has not been an easy task and I could have given up a thousand times over. I chose to remain. I chose to go on. My heart is the center of my faith, love, and courage. It is the essence of my existence and I have just recently realized that it is rather beautiful. My heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities and is a reflection of my true self and motivation.

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     As a woman, it comes only natural to love. And I have loved some deceitful and manipulative men that have tried their best to steal the fiery light from my eyes. A couple of years ago, I made an unconscious decision to not settle, to wait until my true husband or partner came waltzing into my life. I figured I would know, feel “the real thing” when it chose to approach me. It is only then that I will love, listen to, submit to and obey only HIM until the end, our death. This does not mean that I don’t want a man right now at this very second, lol I do but I want a good man. One that has to seek God before he can capture my love.

     Woman was made for man… to be a suitable helper, a loving wife, a best friend, lover, nurturing and kind mother. But there is more to it than that. I also want respect and to be pursued and fought for, and yes romanced and swept off of my feet! Almost all women want their “prince charming”, their “knight in shining armor” riding in on the blinding white horse to come and rescue them. Yet the 21st century is no fairytale. Sometimes all it takes is a kind word or a simple helpful action…not some romanticized cure-all antidote.

     Being modern and taking on so many roles SUCH as wife, mother, and professional is juggling act. We precariously balance a plethora of things at one time. Being a strong, intelligent, independent and successful woman in all areas of life is a challenge and deep down inside, a woman needs more. We need a loving and growing healthy spiritual journey with a partner who has some of the same interests and desires in his heart.

     A woman wants to know about a man’s love for her and his family. A woman needs to know about the joy and passion that a man holds for her. A woman wants a man to love her for who she is and wants him to really see her and hear her and know her and continue to pursue her heart and spirit as they grow together.

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     I have yearned for so long, to find someone on my level. A man that embraces and mirrors my wild heart. I waited and searched and prayed… until I felt hopeless and had to put my need for true love on the back burner. It was not until quite recently that someone very special to me spoke directly to my heart. It is all new to me, these feelings and the ability to express myself once again, but I cherish it and cannot deny it.

     I am a single woman and yes, an artist. Most of what I do with the gifts that I have been given in art is done in complete solitude. Just like now, as I sit alone in my room and type these solemn healing thoughts. As a writer, I write alone. As a painter, I create solo. As a singer, I sing by myself. It is a release to do these wonderful things that bring so much joy and healing into my life, but it is so hard to separate the loneliness that I feel. I do these things, by myself but I also want a relationship with someone on my level. Someone who understands me and my need to create and express. I want a strong man, one who is comfortable in his own skin and easy going. He must have respect for me, himself and all other people and living things.

     I am a woman. I am tender and gracious. I am strong minded and also so very worthy to be truly loved. In the depths of my soul, I long to be a part of something large—something valiant and good. I want to be part of something that requires all of me…mind, body, and spirit. Lord knows I want to be a part of something eternal, something worth living and dying for.

     There is a fierceness burning inside of me. There is something fierce inside of the hearts of all women. We are warriors in a uniquely feminine way, and we can do it without causing real physical harm. I do not have a husband or children at this point. But I know that if my children, husband, family, or friends were insulted, threatened or in some sort of danger….I would be right there to protect and defend them to the very end.

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     I am irreplaceable. I cannot be replicated or reproduced. I must use this time that I have in this temporary world and live to the fullest, touching as many people as I possibly can with my love and beauty. I only hope that my true partner will come forward one day to share in this great adventure. I sometimes lose hope and think that I would be better off just being alone, living my days out by myself like some modern day Emily Dickenson. I could create masterpieces, on my own time without any special demands, need, want, or pain. There would be no deceit, no lies, no disappointment. I think that I could live like some hermit or recluse out here in these woods and no one would be the wiser…except for me.

     I know what this beautifully warped world is like and I am not like the world. I have morals, boundaries, standards, and values. I want more for all people. I wish more for mankind and our society as a whole. I think sometimes…that if I could just get away from all the madness, perversion, lies, betrayal, and temptation of the world, I would be okay. I know now why I have so feverishly wished to just disappear from the realm of societal bounds, because as a woman I have been hurt over and over again. I got tired and worn the fuck out. I went down so many dead-end paths that were not fruitful. My love was raped and my still beating heart has been torn from my chest.  I was allowed these experiences but did not stay to wallow in pity or settle down for the long haul of unfulfilled happiness.

     In my heart of hearts I know that I cannot ever cut myself off from civilization, it is not a realistic intention. As women, our lives are meant to be lived with others. We are made in an image of perfection and as humans we are relational to the core of our beings. We are filled with a desire for a pure partnership full of love, faith, hope, respect, forgiveness, stability and ultimately TRUTH. We ache, we long, we dream of being an irreplaceable part of a shared adventure.

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     As a woman, I want to know that I am absolutely lovely, delightful, and beautiful. These truths have been revealed to me slowly and surely, as more and more of my inner light is being unveiled every single day. The secret, the mystery that swirls around a woman is that she may be beautiful, inside and/or out. She may make you stand in awe or run for cover. She wants you to look into her heart and see who she really is deep down inside of her soul. She wants you to be amazed. She wants to know that she is enough to fulfill you. That she is worthy of true love, full and unconditionally…regardless of all circumstance.

     The heart of all women, of even me, has the desire to be captivating in the true depths of all that she is…BEAUTIFUL and healthy on the inside and out. The depth of my spirit and my soul is alive with potential. I am courageous and vulnerable and available in all areas of life.

     The desires of a man’s adventurous heart and the desires of a woman’s beauty were meant to fit perfectly together as one entity. When a woman is in the presence of a good man, a real man, she is more herself and loves being a woman. His strength and individuality allows her feminine and natural heart to flourish. A real man pursues a woman and draws out her beauty and her inner sanctity. A man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to be a truly good man. It draws out his inner strength and piety. A real woman inspires a real man to be a hero. To be an inspiration. To be a prince. A protector. A provider and even a priest throughout their continuously blossoming relationship.

first kiss

     I am a beautiful woman that is still on a journey of the heart. I am on a journey towards the restoration and release of the woman I long to be, not just the woman I already am. The longings and desires that are written deep across my heart, are telling me something essential about what it truly means to be a woman and to love and live the life that is meant for me. Before now; many of my hopes, dreams, and desires could not be achieved because at times I feared for my life. I was assaulted, taken for grated, or simply laughed at, ignored and neglected. On the outside I smiled. On the inside I was dying, looking for a way to fill all the empty voids I held onto. I was striving and desperate. I held resentment and was at times cruel and unforgiving to myself because I was not happy and thought that was what I deserved. I was wrong.

     I was treated badly, and treated myself even worse. I did not realize the beauty that I held inside, because it was beat so far down. I did not know how to cope with the destruction of my life or build it back up on a strong foundation. I know now that there are qualities all women possess, such as being inviting, understanding, vulnerable yet always able, tender and the embodiment of mercy. We are fierce and devoted. We are warriors. A real woman will not be abused, disrespected, or lied to. We don’t accept it and we don’t embrace it.

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

  1.      A woman does not want to be a burden, an appendage, or a tagalong. She wants to be a very essential part in a man’s life. She has an irreplaceable role to play. We are given fierce devotion for a reason, but must be cautious who we devote our hearts and lives to. We have the ability to forgive and suffer great disappointment and hardship. We are given a vision to make the world a better place and it is up to us to use it. As a woman, my beauty will radiate, even though I have been trying to hide it with all of my might.

     All shall be well. My beauty will be completely unveiled at exactly the right time, and not before. My beauty will invite, entice, arouse, draw in, nourish, comfort, encourage, inspire, and altogether transcend all time and place. I am not happy living merely to survive day by day…month by month. I want to live and thrive and not be afraid. So I decided today….I shall not fear. Not now. Not ever again because I know what I hold inside and it is beautiful and indescribably amazing!!

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  1. TO BE CONTINUED IN….BEAUTY OF A WOMAN PART II